How Koreans Tie the Knot: White dresses, Hanboks and Big “Bali Bali” Buffets

Dear all the missus-es:

The cherry blossoms are in bloom, I heard birds this morning for the first time in months and I no longer need to turn my heat on... Springtime FINALLY seems to have arrived. And with it? A whole slew of weddings in Korea.  In fact, I’ve been invited to a few already! Even though I attended a Korean wedding in the fall, I only got to experience the post-ceremony wedding photos and the buffet lunch afterwards. This past Saturday though, I got to see my first Korean wedding ceremony. I had a vague idea of what to expect beforehand, but now that I’ve been to two weddings, I thought I’d share with you how Koreans tie the knot!

The first wedding I went to in the fall was for a bride and groom that I did not know – I only knew the bride’s aunt (and her aunt’s family) - the family with whom I did my Home Stay program with in October. They were so kind to invite me along so that I could experience a Korean wedding.  

The wedding this past Saturday however, was for a bride who I know quite well – a Korean English teacher who works at the same school as me. Noori was absolutely gorgeous in her white and sequined strapless gown. When guests arrive at a Korean wedding, they greet the bride and may take a photo with her, so I went to say hello and congratulate her. Just for this day, I learned how to say “You look beautiful!” – “Nomu ye-bo-yo!”

Noori walking down the aisle and laughing at me taking a picture of her! SO beautiful!

The ceremony began at 2pm and I said hello to a group of teachers from my school and a bench full of high school students invited by Noori.  By a wonderful coincidence, I happened to sit down next to a Korean teacher who teaches English and speaks very fluently – with an interesting mix of a British, American and Australian accent.  Even though it was all in Korean, she gave me a play-by-play update of the wedding ceremony. Being a Protestant ceremony, it was 40 minutes, a little longer than I am used to, but I noticed that the ceremony is almost identical to Western-style ceremonies with a priest. The father walking the daughter down the aisle, the bible scripture, the vows... however, one different thing was that the mothers wore their hanboks and sat at the front as witnesses.

They also did the traditional “cutting of the wedding cake” right in front of everyone after the signing of their names. To end off the ceremony, there were two musical performances: a couple sang a serenade for them and then... *drumroll* Noori’s homeroom class performed a k-pop love song medley with dance moves. It was such a sweet thing for them to do and I know they rehearsed a lot. The bride was definitely tearing up by the end!

Following the ceremony, there was a photo-taking session with anyone who wanted to be in pictures with the bride and groom. I can’t even fathom a guess at how many photos they must have been in. Weddings (W) = a time for lots of pictures AND Koreans (K) love taking photos; therefore, according to my basic mathematical skills and the following formula whereW(P) + K(P) =  X, X must be a very large number of photos (P)!

Most guests, including me, went downstairs to the buffet hall at 3pm to get lunch. In order to enter, you must present a buffet ticket, which you essentially “buy” beforehand. Instead of wedding presents, in Korea, you give an envelope with money that is really like paying for your meal.  In my opinion, it’s not very personal and not as kind of a gesture as the gift-giving at western weddings and wedding showers, but I suppose it must really help the families afford the wedding. The minimum amount people give is usually 25,000 won (under $25), but if you know the families better, then upwards of $50 or even $100 per person is given. It was worth it though! It was a massive buffet with food ranging from Korean to Japanese to Italian to American-style pizza and steak. I finally tried the sweet Korean rice drink and it was very tasty – why did I wait so long to try it? I think I ate enough for 2 or 3 meals, but I don’t care! I skipped dinner later because I was still so full!  During the buffet, similar to at a western-style dinner reception, there were a couple of speeches (although it lasted only about 2 minutes at each of the Korean weddings I attended) and then the bride and groom walk around the tables to greet and thank everybody. The difference though, is that they change from their western-style dress and wear traditional Korean hanboks. Here is a picture of me with the bride and groom in their hanboks!

So, you ask, was there music and dancing all night long? Unfortunately... no. Koreans seem to have a “bali bali” (meaning go-go-go/rush all-the-time) lifestyle that doesn’t even take a hiatus or siesta for such an important event as a wedding. Like a conveyor belt, the wedding halls pump out multiple weddings and buffet lunches per day, so by 5pm, within 2 hours of the ceremony ending, everyone had left the buffet hall and was on their merry way, their cameras and bellies equally full.

In terms of other similarities and differences, I also learned that most Koreans take honeymoons, just like many western newlyweds. Additionally, the night of their wedding, they generally go to a hotel and the following day they officially move into a new home together, which they spend the months before preparing and decorating.  Traditionally, it is the groom’s family who pays for the house or begins the payment, whereas the bride’s family prepares the interior of the house, decorating and buying all the appliances and furniture.  Before the wedding, there are also some differences. Bridal showers are generally nonexistent, however often there are get-togethers of some sort, and I believe they are slowly becoming more common.  And don’t even think about bachelorette or bachelor parties – I’ve asked several Koreans, and these are even rarer. Perhaps the risqué side to this culturally western tradition, especially as portrayed in movies, is what has inhibited its popularity.  I would sure bet the movie, “The Hangover” didn’t do well to encourage this aspect of western culture in Korea!

So, the verdict on which style of wedding I prefer? Despite having delicious food and an entertaining ceremony, Korean weddings just aren’t quite as fun as Western-style ones.  To me, a wedding just doesn’t seem like a wedding if you don’t have the big reception. Bring on the music, dancing, drinking and friends, am I right? Isn’t it supposed to be the biggest party of your life? 

Korean Bangs (“bongs”) – Rooms with a twist!

Dear Korean bang (“bong”):

It has been my pleasure to visit you on several occasions, and a variety of you too, at that. You’ve provided me with everything from belting out karaoke tunes to bathing with naked Korean women in hot, relaxing ginseng baths to playing video games with an unlimited supply of ice-cream. What more do I need from life? 

Sure, you sound regular - “Bang” translated is simply “room”. But you’re more than that. You’re a room with a twist.

Korea is home to a multitude of types of “bangs”: Jimjilbangs, game-bangs, PC-, norebangs, DVD-bangs, multi-bangs and so on.

Here’s a rough guide, because seriously “Bangs”, you confuse us foreigners.

1)      Jimjilbang: These are public bath houses where you ... *take a deep breath and just accept it*  are naked.  You separate the men and women of course, but this culture is just so different from many western cultures that it can take some getting used to. However, soon us foreigners become experts, strutting around in our birthday suits like we were born here too. Jimjilbangs are full of a variety of saunas, baths of differing temperatures and differing minerals (such as ginseng), mineral stone beds and aromatherapy rooms. It is definitely invigorating to go between the hot and cold baths. Massages are also available for extra money, as are other spa services. Despite being nervous the first time because I’ve never experienced a culture so comfortable with being naked in front of people of the same-sex, I wasn’t scared off completely by it. Nobody was gawking at me as I walked in, as I had feared they would. Everybody just went about their own business, enjoying the baths. Many Koreans actually don’t shave the nether-regions, so us foreigners really don’t need to feel embarrassed by anything! A lot of the women actually used the time to socialize with the friends they came with whilst bathing, which seemed a tad odd at first, but it’s all part of the culture and what they’re used to. I believe there are some jimjilbangs that cost as little as 6,000 won, but I’ve only been to the one in Yongsan, in Seoul (one of the most famous jimjilbangs – it actually reminded me of Vegas with its eccentric decor) and it cost about 12,000 won. This is still a steal though, if you think about it, especially if you choose to sleep there overnight! Just be warned, maybe bring an extra pillow or blanket because sometimes what they provide isn’t comfy enough to get a decent sleep. I’ve been twice so far to you and I’ll definitely come back!

2)      Game-bang: These have private rooms, often separated with a curtain, where you can play video games and/or board games. I’ve been to two different wii-bangs in Bupyeong on Culture street (about 4 times total!) as well as a PS3-bang once in Bupyeong, where I played FIFA. I’ve also tried one with only board games in Seoul that was not as much fun, simply because there wasn’t a good selection of games in English. Game-bangs often provide customers with a free drink or sometimes unlimited drinks and snacks, depending where you go.  They cost anywhere from 3,000-10,000 won (with most I’ve seen being around 4,000 won) and that usually covers 1, 1 and a half, or 2 hours of playing time. Great for a chill night with friends!

3)      PC-bang: I’ve tried a PC bang once, but just like I had been warned, it was a little smokey and dark, and not the type of place I wanted to spend a lot of time.  These are not what you want if you’re looking for a “cute” internet cafe. The computers were very nice though and the internet was much faster than the 3G on my phone! And it was quite cheap – 1,000 or 2,000 for an hour, which passes by fast when there are no windows or clocks (casino vibe perhaps?) It was full of Korean boys and men either hardcore-gaming around the clock or surfing the internet, laughing loudly at their screens in annoying outbursts. Will I go back to you, PC-bang? Probably not... unless my laptop decides to quit on me *knock on wood*!

4)      DVD-bang: The name is self-explanatory – come here to watch a dvd in a little private room, often equipped with a couch and pillows or sometimes even a bed. It cost around 12,000 won for the one I went to (so 6,000 each if you go with 1 other person). These are notoriously known for being a place young Korean people go with their boyfriends/girlfriends for “alone time” (because of strict cultural taboos in unmarried couples). Not sure how much of the movies they actually watch...! I HAD to check it out once because of my undying cultural curiosity. The English movie selection was just ok, slightly lacking, but I settled on a horror film and got comfy! However, it was slightly disturbing to see a garbage can with a box of tissues beside it... erm.

5)      Norebang: Pronounced “no-ray-bong”, this is probably the most entertaining and the most popular of all the “bangs”. Translated literally, it means “singing room”, which you know better as “karaoke”.  They are literally everywhere. Koreans are CRAZY about norebang and it is one of their most common night pastimes. An average night out involves dinner out and/or a hof-style bar, other bars or a club where Koreans get mighty drunk off of soju, followed by a singing session at a norebang. The rooms are private and soundproofed, so no need to be embarrassed in public – only in front of your friends (or co-workers, if your school tends to invite you along, as is pretty common in Korean schools). They range in cost, often 5,000-15,000 won per hour, depending on how classy the place is. Sometimes they give you complimentary snacks or a drink too. My warning? Don’t go if you have a headache – the booming karaoke can be a lot when you have a room full of drunk people singing! You are definitely worth a visit (or a lot of visits!) while in Korea!

6)      Multi-bang: Just like it sounds, this type of “bang” has multiple things to keep you busy. I also had unlimited drinks and snacks with my friends – even ice-cream! I visited you in Daejeon and although my friends and I only used the wii, you also had board games, dvds and karaoke. No hot baths though. Sheesh. Way to fail on being 100% multi-bang! :p

Anyway, I’m off to my own “bang” – bedtime for me! Thanks for all the memories. Until next time, “Bang”,

Yours truly,

~Leana

North Korea? Who? – A Normal Waygook-ing Wednesday

Dear family and friends back home:

Thank you for being so concerned and checking up on me the past couple of weeks :) But pleeeaaaase, don’t panic! The South Koreans certainly aren’t! Life is going on normally. The streets of Seoul are still bustling with Koreans and tourists and DMZ tours at the SK-NK border are still being scheduled. The stop light on my way to school still turns to the walk signal at precisely 8:15am, the ajumma on my street is still selling her delicious-smelling fish-shaped red bean cakes and the Paris Baguette owner still chimes in with a friendly “An-nyong-ha-se-yo!” when I walk in. And of course, I haven’t abandoned the school full of students. English classes are going on as normal. This week’s Conversation & Culture class? Konglish in Korea: The incorrect, bizarre and funny.  

Yet, staying informed is always important in my books, so now my daily routine involves a look at the latest news online. I try to mix it up – look at the Korean news, the BBC, American news, CBC… The differences in how the portray the situation can be quite amusing. Here’s a sampling – a video from US media today that discusses how NK has officially shut down the industrial park that links the two Koreas economically at the border: 

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50144533n

While it does seem like it is a little more serious than it has been in the past, the Koreans I talk to are still not worrying, especially the Koreans in their 20’s and up who have lived through these NK threats countless times as part of a plan to "intimidate" the south.  Some younger ones, such as the first year high school students (about grade 10) that I teach, are less "blasé" about it though because they are younger and haven't lived to see all the threats in the past half century.  This past week, when asking them if they felt worried at all, some said not at all, some said they don’t follow the news and some said they feel just a little worried because it seems a little more serious than in the past.

As in the past, NK is making a variety of threats – verbal throw-up and insults, threats to test missiles, threats to end economic ties, threats to launch nuclear missiles… It is all because they want the UN to lift sanctions and because they want monetary aid from the international community - most people don't believe they would actually wage full-out war.  This latest morsel of news (that was quite blown up and sensationalized by the international community yesterday) is that NK has warned foreigners to leave SK because it is unsafe, threatening that a war could begin as early as… today? The most plausible reason behind this is the economic downfall that would transpire from such a collapse of the tourism industry and expat working community.  Of course NK doesn’t care about the foreigners – they want economic aid from SK and other countries. Here is an article from CBC about this: 

North Korea urges foreigners to leave South Korea

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2013/04/09/north-korea-warning-evacuation-tensions.html

Part of the logic in the “lack of panic” in SK is that South Koreans know North Korea won't use a nuclear weapon on South Korea because that would also greatly affect North Korea (being neighbours) - if they do any small attacks (IF), it would probably be smaller scale and at the American military base. In that case, I would not be affected and could quickly head south if need be (from Incheon there are buses and whatnot, so you wouldn't even need to go through Seoul). If anyone has to worry, it's the USA (and southern Canada) in my opinion. If NK uses their nuclear weapons it would most likely be against the US... If this is naïve, I welcome any and all comments – like I said, I’m trying to stay informed, so if you have other opinions, I’d love to hear them!

And yea, the media sensationalizes things a lot... but yes, I am thinking about it, watching/reading the news every day and staying informed. 

I don't want you to worry about me (I know, easier said than done), but maybe if you watch this video, your mind will be a little more at ease J :

High Tensions on the Korean Peninsula:

http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2013/s3727471.htm

On a final note, you may find this interesting to contrast the two Koreas and put them into perspective:  

Taken from: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/datablog/2013/apr/08/south-korea-v-north-korea-compared

Just another day - Happy Hump Day!

~Leana