How Koreans Tie the Knot: White dresses, Hanboks and Big “Bali Bali” Buffets

Dear all the missus-es:

The cherry blossoms are in bloom, I heard birds this morning for the first time in months and I no longer need to turn my heat on... Springtime FINALLY seems to have arrived. And with it? A whole slew of weddings in Korea.  In fact, I’ve been invited to a few already! Even though I attended a Korean wedding in the fall, I only got to experience the post-ceremony wedding photos and the buffet lunch afterwards. This past Saturday though, I got to see my first Korean wedding ceremony. I had a vague idea of what to expect beforehand, but now that I’ve been to two weddings, I thought I’d share with you how Koreans tie the knot!

The first wedding I went to in the fall was for a bride and groom that I did not know – I only knew the bride’s aunt (and her aunt’s family) - the family with whom I did my Home Stay program with in October. They were so kind to invite me along so that I could experience a Korean wedding.  

The wedding this past Saturday however, was for a bride who I know quite well – a Korean English teacher who works at the same school as me. Noori was absolutely gorgeous in her white and sequined strapless gown. When guests arrive at a Korean wedding, they greet the bride and may take a photo with her, so I went to say hello and congratulate her. Just for this day, I learned how to say “You look beautiful!” – “Nomu ye-bo-yo!”

Noori walking down the aisle and laughing at me taking a picture of her! SO beautiful!

The ceremony began at 2pm and I said hello to a group of teachers from my school and a bench full of high school students invited by Noori.  By a wonderful coincidence, I happened to sit down next to a Korean teacher who teaches English and speaks very fluently – with an interesting mix of a British, American and Australian accent.  Even though it was all in Korean, she gave me a play-by-play update of the wedding ceremony. Being a Protestant ceremony, it was 40 minutes, a little longer than I am used to, but I noticed that the ceremony is almost identical to Western-style ceremonies with a priest. The father walking the daughter down the aisle, the bible scripture, the vows... however, one different thing was that the mothers wore their hanboks and sat at the front as witnesses.

They also did the traditional “cutting of the wedding cake” right in front of everyone after the signing of their names. To end off the ceremony, there were two musical performances: a couple sang a serenade for them and then... *drumroll* Noori’s homeroom class performed a k-pop love song medley with dance moves. It was such a sweet thing for them to do and I know they rehearsed a lot. The bride was definitely tearing up by the end!

Following the ceremony, there was a photo-taking session with anyone who wanted to be in pictures with the bride and groom. I can’t even fathom a guess at how many photos they must have been in. Weddings (W) = a time for lots of pictures AND Koreans (K) love taking photos; therefore, according to my basic mathematical skills and the following formula whereW(P) + K(P) =  X, X must be a very large number of photos (P)!

Most guests, including me, went downstairs to the buffet hall at 3pm to get lunch. In order to enter, you must present a buffet ticket, which you essentially “buy” beforehand. Instead of wedding presents, in Korea, you give an envelope with money that is really like paying for your meal.  In my opinion, it’s not very personal and not as kind of a gesture as the gift-giving at western weddings and wedding showers, but I suppose it must really help the families afford the wedding. The minimum amount people give is usually 25,000 won (under $25), but if you know the families better, then upwards of $50 or even $100 per person is given. It was worth it though! It was a massive buffet with food ranging from Korean to Japanese to Italian to American-style pizza and steak. I finally tried the sweet Korean rice drink and it was very tasty – why did I wait so long to try it? I think I ate enough for 2 or 3 meals, but I don’t care! I skipped dinner later because I was still so full!  During the buffet, similar to at a western-style dinner reception, there were a couple of speeches (although it lasted only about 2 minutes at each of the Korean weddings I attended) and then the bride and groom walk around the tables to greet and thank everybody. The difference though, is that they change from their western-style dress and wear traditional Korean hanboks. Here is a picture of me with the bride and groom in their hanboks!

So, you ask, was there music and dancing all night long? Unfortunately... no. Koreans seem to have a “bali bali” (meaning go-go-go/rush all-the-time) lifestyle that doesn’t even take a hiatus or siesta for such an important event as a wedding. Like a conveyor belt, the wedding halls pump out multiple weddings and buffet lunches per day, so by 5pm, within 2 hours of the ceremony ending, everyone had left the buffet hall and was on their merry way, their cameras and bellies equally full.

In terms of other similarities and differences, I also learned that most Koreans take honeymoons, just like many western newlyweds. Additionally, the night of their wedding, they generally go to a hotel and the following day they officially move into a new home together, which they spend the months before preparing and decorating.  Traditionally, it is the groom’s family who pays for the house or begins the payment, whereas the bride’s family prepares the interior of the house, decorating and buying all the appliances and furniture.  Before the wedding, there are also some differences. Bridal showers are generally nonexistent, however often there are get-togethers of some sort, and I believe they are slowly becoming more common.  And don’t even think about bachelorette or bachelor parties – I’ve asked several Koreans, and these are even rarer. Perhaps the risqué side to this culturally western tradition, especially as portrayed in movies, is what has inhibited its popularity.  I would sure bet the movie, “The Hangover” didn’t do well to encourage this aspect of western culture in Korea!

So, the verdict on which style of wedding I prefer? Despite having delicious food and an entertaining ceremony, Korean weddings just aren’t quite as fun as Western-style ones.  To me, a wedding just doesn’t seem like a wedding if you don’t have the big reception. Bring on the music, dancing, drinking and friends, am I right? Isn’t it supposed to be the biggest party of your life?